Japanese Cherry Blossom by Bath and Body Works

Ah the classic JCB which in no way captures a cherry blossom, but induces the kind of migraine only a Bath and Body Works product can provide. It is a familiar punch in the face to anyone who passed a food court in the 00s as it quickly became one of BBW’s most top-selling fragrances of all time. This led to it being endlessly copied by whatever other bath retailers Simon Properties decided to throw into your regional mall. The person who wore this most likely also bought a product from the Hairagami company at the “As Seen on TV” store. Once they’ve cleansed their roots with a blast of Herbal Essences, they use the Part Pizazz to slap a fresh zig-zag part onto their hairstyle. Remember, nothing shows off a chunky ass highlight like a zig-zag on the top of your head! Once they’ve perfected the coif it’s all about spritzing a cloud of this glorious body mist to complete the outfit. Suddenly you’re transformed from vaguely smelling of shampoo to overwhelmingly smelling like shampoo mixed with cherry AirHeads. Congratulations, you will now choke out the next person who passes you in your sensual Mudd denim clamdiggers.

Top notes are plum, apple and pear; middle notes are Japanese cherry blossom, tuberose, Kyoto rose petals, lily and mimosa; base notes are musk, sandalwood, vanilla, amber, Himalayan cedar, cinnamon, patchouli and oakmoss. In real life you will smell like Hollywood week during the first season of American Idol.