Friday! by Bonne Bell

It’s a Friday night in 1990 and you’re about to call the official NKOTB, 1-900-909-5KIDs hotline. You must manifest your destiny of meeting Donnie Wahlberg from New Kids on the Block. You’ll reevaluate the desirability of all the Wahlbergs and men from Boston in due time, but for now your fingers quiver as you wait to dial in on your corded Garfield phone. You need something to calm your nerves and make you feel like You Got It (The Right Stuff).

Famously, D.A.R.E. police officers fear mongering in classrooms across America did not actually keep many kids off drugs, and you’re one of those after school specials. You now keep your stash of Virginia Slims and White Widow strain in a complimentary fanny pack you got for completing the program. You roll a ‘marijuana cigarette,’ take one hit, and mentally give Nancy Reagan the finger. To avoid detection you quickly douse yourself and the room in Friday! by Bonne Bell. The combination of musk and passion fruit surround you, and all you can think about are those hot jorts in the Please Don’t Go Girl music video. You finally have the courage to D.A.R.E. to call.

Notes for Friday! are largely unknown, because it’s a long discontinued beauty. In real life you’ll smell like Jordache and blue eyeshadow.