Tinkerbell by Tom Fields Ltd

This is a classic item you’d finagle your parents into impulse buying you at the checkout aisle of your local grocery store. You don’t know why you want it beyond the cute packaging, but if you don’t get it things could be as serious as Watergate. Tinkerbell cologne often came in a deluxe set that included body talc powder plus other beauty “essentials” for toddlers. The idea was to get the “little ladies” started on their own routines they saw their mom’s doing, while also preventing them from raiding mom’s lineup of lotions and potions. It was “practice” for the real deal and a lifetime of beauty to come. I.e. getting girls used to being mercilessly marketed products to buy and prevent them from being old and ugly hags. I had my first tub of anti-aging cream in utero, tbh.

Kiddie cosmetics have always kind of creeped me out for this reason—being training wheels for good feminine habits. Why not throw in a darling douche? Pictured here is a Tinkerbell circa late 70s early 80s in all of its glory—but there have been many variations since of the same irresistibly pink and plastic classic. The line eventually petered out because of competition from Bonne Bell as well as Disney having a cow and a half over the Tinkerbell trademark. However, it will be forever in our hearts as the stank scent of child makeup sets.

Notes have not been recorded, but I get a lot of lily-of-the-valley, powders, and some benzoin in the base? In real life you’re going to smell like the inside of the American Girl Doll store in Times Square.