JOOP! Homme by Coty

The key thing to immediately note about this fragrance is the exclamation point. That is there for a reason. This is a two spritz maximum that MANY men did not follow in the late 80s early 90s. This is giving me very* entire cast of German terrorists in Die Hard vibes. Also known as the guy who initiates a corporate raid and parties at The Viper Room immediately after. They’ve got their hair encrusted in “L.A. Looks” hair gel and are ready to blast the room with this Oriental Fougere until the disco lights grow hazy. The next morning they are definitely doing a bump and dropping an excedrin into a Solo Jazz cup to recover from the night before.

Like Opium before the freshies of the world, Joop! Homme was the bombastic cologne in 1989 before the Acqua di Gios of the 90s. Let us say a prayer for all the poor lovers who couldn’t wash this from their clothes after sleeping with a Joop! Homme user they picked up in the club.

Notes include orange blossom, mandarin orange, bergamot and Amalfi lemon; middle notes are cinnamon, heliotrope, jasmine, cardamom and lily-of-the-valley; base notes are vanilla, tonka bean, sandalwood and patchouli. In real life you will smell like the collar of a “Choose Life” t-shirt.