Jean Nate by Revlon

Ah Jean Nate—in my mind I say it like Jane Birkin’s orgasmic squeal in Je t'aime... moi non plus. Don’t let this eighties-esque bottle fool you, this 30oz honker has been kicking it since 1935. The people who have been devoted to this product can often say they’ve loved this since President Truman. More recent users tried to splash it on their body as elegantly as the commercial without getting it on their precious parts—this has a ton of alcohol so beware post-shave. I think it’s one of those things that’s etched into the scent memory as much as Coppertone or talc.

However, the person I see wearing this today has red nail polish, smokes Virginia Slims, and likes to take long afternoon baths + a little delight mixed in. This classy/trashy lady knows how to practice self care and has been doing so decades before the concept was commercialized to shill goopy Goop. This woman also definitely had a Hitachi Magic Wand, but wouldn’t plug it in near the bath so this vibrator will do.

Notes make it a fougère: very lemony with bergamot, lily-of-the-valley, musk, and sandalwood. In real life you will definitely smell like you huffed Pledge Lemon, but then that hazy glow from destroyed brain cells will make the world look a little fresher.