Basenote Bitch
Country Apple by Bath and Body Works

Country Apple by Bath and Body Works

This is the scent I would wear to see and be seen at the Scholastic Book Fair in my elementary school auditorium circa 1998. The fair was not only my favorite time of year, but prime time for lurking on my crush behind the makeshift cardboard displays chocked full of the latest Animorphs release. Country Apple was the epitome of sophistication by my third grade standards which included projecting enough so everyone in a half mile radius of me would imagine a burning Yankee McIntosh Candle. That’s tween sexy, right?

As I peeled through the bins of pens and pencils commanding no attention from my crush (my signature look at the time was an orange Old Navy fleece with carpenter pants from the junior’s section at Lord & Taylor) something else caught my eye. I had seen it in the catalogue before, but there it was in front of me for the taking. It was none other than Lovin’ Leo: Your Leonardo Dicaprio Keepsake Scrapbook. I knew I had to get this with a holographic bookmark and take it home immediately to be torn apart and pasted on my walls for worship.

Later that night I did just that in between Honorable Mention ribbons from failed athletic competitions past. I prayed and wrote a letter to Leo in Hollywood begging for a meeting. Not only did I s.w.a.k. that letter—I sprayed it in my Country Apple Body splash. I knew it would make him think of me as a mature woman, ready to be taken. Who knows if he ever received it, but one blast of this juice brings all the unrequited feelings back with a headache.

Notes include McIntosh apple, apple blossom, fresh muguet, sheer sunlight, and orchard woods. In real life you’re going to smell like a townie gnawing on a candy apple yet feel like Rose in Titanic. Eat your heart out, Dicaprio.