Plumeria by Bath and Body Works

It’s Friday afternoon and you just got home from school. You have a fresh driver’s license, but tragically no plans. You are desperate to get your crush’s attention and the only way you know how is a HUGE Myspace shakeup. This isn’t just shuffling your top 8, you need to change your fucking default picture. It’s gotta be something sexy, from way above, and blasting your spotty teen complexion to oblivion and internet perfection.

To set the mood you flip open every current magazine that has a shred of Sarah Michelle Gellar content and spritz on something to make you feel appropriately sensual for a teen. I.e. something that involves spun sugar and the Diva Starz version of a stone fruit. I’m talking about Plumeria, BITCH!

You snag your Sony Cybershot point and shoot and start snapping. After obsessing over an edit you upload and pray to your closet shrine that he sees. You change your autoplay profile song as well for good measure to “Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off” by Panic! At The Disco. You hope it makes him think of you semi-nude, but not like full nude. Gross.

Notes include pink plumeria, peach nectar, red apple, rose, lily-of-the-valley, jasmine, and fir balsam. In real life you will smell like a bathroom selfie. Oops, lol, ignore the toilet!