Juniper Breeze by Bath and Body Works

The year is 1998 and you have just mapped out your copy of the TV Guide like an obsession wall in a David Fincher movie. You will be present for all airtime involving Dawson and Pacey for the next two weeks when not in school. Your only food will be the Happy Meals you’ve bribed your friends to pick up for you, because you also need to maintain your competitive Teenie Beanie Baby collection. They could be worth something someday!

In between reruns of the sacred creek, you try to map out your destiny with a Cootie Catcher. You picture yourself in that iconic New England town of Capeside, Massachusetts, and think about what Joey would be wearing. It’s so obvious it would be Juniper Breeze, aka, the absolute height of purity and effortlessness. You apply the splash underneath your slap bracelet and are instantly transported to that dock.

Notes include juniper, mountain air, aldehydes, green apple and pineapple; middle notes are jasmine and ylang-ylang; base notes are precious woods and musk. In real life you will smell like one of those dusty-ass gel candles you get at a seaside tchotchke shop and never burn.