Jessica McClintock by Jessica McClintock
It’s 2005 and you’re getting ready to go to prom for the first time. Your pits are moist and that’s a no no because this isn’t just your first prom, it’s also the first time you’ll be grinding to Usher wearing a strapless satin monstrosity. You slap a generous amount of Teen Spirit delicately in the trenches to avoid the fatal jizz-like deodorant stain on your brand new Jessica McClintock. That’s right, after several painful viewings of your teen body in an infinity mirror at the mall you settled on a semi-formal poof with a bustier created by the OG bitch herself.
McClintock’s dresses have carried many teenage girls through their formals, homecomings, proms, and satanic rituals for over 40 years. I’d like to think the decade spanning 1998 through 2008 were some of her most macabre silhouettes. Along with the dress you decide to pair it with Jessica’s signature fragrance available at all boutiques and the perfect panic buy so as not to reveal your true musk before midnight on sacred prom night. This is a soapy, clean lily-of-the-valley number that will make you feel as comfortable in your own skin as the flattering formulas in Jessica’s dresses. Comfortable enough to go on a rampage covered in pig’s blood!
Notes include lemon, ylang-ylang, bergamot, cassia and black currant, lily-of-the-valley, jasmine, rose and musk. In real life you will smell like the first season of My Super Sweet 16.