Ed Hardy Women’s EDT by Christian Audigier

The year is 2008 and the brand Ed Hardy is riding the crest of a cultural wave before crashing into divorced dad status forevermore (except in certain pockets of the Jersey Shore.) The girl who wears this is en route to a summer bachelorette in Seaside Heights. She’s got her Sparkling Peach shimmer lotion from Bath and Body Works and is ready to be greased into a seat on the Tilt a Whirl.

Before all that she’s got money to burn on her Spencer’s gift card, and needs every penis-shaped item distributed on the East Coast. Once the gifts have been secured it’s time to hit the boardwalk with a water bottle full of Pinnacle Vanilla Vodka. When she pukes later it will smell like Strawberry Shortcake got food poisoning from the fried clam belly and funnel cake combo. She has just the trick to cover up the gourmand gagging—her new Ed Hardy EDT.

Once she’s in a fresh cloud every guy sporting an Affliction t-shirt and shutter shades is going to want to know her name. A year later Jon Gosselin would be photographed on a yacht wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt and single-handedly tank the brand. Could Gen Z be the generation to resurrect it? Time will tell.

Notes include mango, grapefruit, wild strawberry, apple, freesia, lime, lily-of-the-valley, amber, vanilla, tonka bean and musk. In real life you will smell like the promise of cool, but in reality you will just be another fruity floral.