Downtown Girl by Revlon

This is what you wear to have a fake orgasm at Katz Deli for dinner and disco fries (i.e. fries with gravy and a melted kraft slice) at 4am after a night out. You would have bought it earlier in the evening at your local drugstore to wear for your later conquests. It gives me very Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan, when she delivers the iconic line “No, I was just in New Jersey,” after a friend says they thought she was dead. This is for a bitch in control of her own destiny in NYC—or she thinks she is. If you are an underpaid employee of a major publishing house who goes out and does Molly on a Wednesday night—this could be for you. If you want to live your life like a Mary Gaitskill novel (i.e. Bad Behavior bitch) then this is definitely for you.

Notes include bergamot, jasmine, gardenia, patchouli, sandalwood, cedar and musk. When this perfume came onto the scene in 1992 it was said to be “floral with a whole new beat” but in real life you’re going to smell like Chloe Sevigny’s strapless dress in The Last Days of Disco. When you wake up in last night’s makeup hopefully you will have been cast in a Harmony Korine movie.