Cashmere Mist by Donna Karan

This is for the early 90s mom trying to have it all. She’s flipping through her Laura Ashley Furnishings Catalogue about to pull the trigger on another wicker chair set. While she’s wandering around a very patterned home she nibbles on a SnackWell’s Devil’s Food pack to scratch an itch she can’t seem to satisfy with an indulgent snack. Suddenly on the TV appears Donna Lewis’s iconic neutral music video for her hit single “I Love You Always Forever.” The song transports her and she wonders how she will seduce her partner into a romp on a wrought iron bed behind very frilly, very floral, window treatments. The answer is obvious, she’s going to spritz herself all over with Donna Karan’s Cashmere Mist. No other bottle looks quite as much like an extraterrestrial’s genitals like this one. It’s subtle cloud will surely entice and encourage it to get 50 shades of beige all up in this sensible McMansion.

The mist is supposed to represent the feeling of cashmere upon a women’s skin when with notes including bergamot, suede, jasmine, lily-of-the-valley, cashmere wood, musk, sandalwood, vanilla and amber. In real life you will smell like the monogrammed soap you carefully placed for guests.